Hi Betty. Everyone in my class at school knows about you but hardly anyone uses you anymore and loads of people hate you! I think they just pretend to hate you though to annoy me because I think they think I have an obsession over you. Just because they haven't yet seen the light! I have attached a photo of a paper mache head I made of you in Art. It went a bit wrong but oh well, how could someone expect me to create matching beauty to you when I only had paper mache available to me. So anyway, what should I do about my class?
 (from Deana)

Allo Princess,

YOU SLAG.
Ahh a bit of Eastenders magic to start off your reply there. Now on to more pressing matters. Are these Betty haters butt ugly?- cause it sounds like jealousy. Which, to be honest, you can't blame them for. HOWEVER, they must still die, so I'll get Stella on to it right away.

"Went a bit wrong"??? A BIT wrong???? As for that excuse for art, well Betty is ashamed to be associated with it. It looks more like Betty's sister Vera, if she was half giraffe. Which would mean I'm related to a giraffe, which I'm not. They may look like Zoo animals but their too wild to be locked up. Vera's face always did look like a pile of used toilet paper right enough though, so there you might be accurate.

Expect to be sitting alone in your art classes from now on, but I guess, for you that probably won't be a change.

Toodaloo, my loving and unblammably obsessed fan

Betty
 
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Beg pardon? What exactly are you insinuating???? Betty endures nothing but can endure anything. Shove your "amazing medication" right up your arse. Then it'll be up both our arses.

Oh no wait a sec, your verified by BBB AND Visa!!! Well that changes everything, I hope you've got plenty of stock

In case you didn't realise, BETTY WAS BEING SARCASTIC
 
Toodaloo foos,
Betty.

Above is the "friendlier" version of Betty's reply.
 
you simply MUST join our very own group and show the world just how proud you are of being one of us!
I promise it won't be too cumbersome and you'll get all the sweet reputational returns that Being a Betty should afford you.
Here’s the URL: http://groups.myspace.com/TheBetties

In sisterly friendship (from some rival Betty, but hey, shes a Betty- can't be all bad)

Hello cupcake,
I simply SHALL join your ravishing group. It's about time us Betty's started doing it for ourselves. Or should I SAAAY

Now there was a time when they used to say
That behind every - "great man."
There had to be a - "great BETTY."
But in these times of change you know
That it's no longer true.
So we're comin' out of our bedroom
'Cause there's somethin' we forgot to say to you (we say)

Betties are doin' it for themselves.
Standin' on their own two feet.
And ringin' on their own bells.
Betties are doin' it for themselves.

Now this is a song to celebrate
The conscious liberation of the Betty state!
Mothers - daughters and their daughters too.
Betty to Betty
We're singin' with you.
The "inferior non-Betty" got a new exterior
We got doctors, lawyers, politicians too.
Everybody - take a look around.
Can you see - can you see - can you see
There's a Betty right next to you.

Betties are doin' it for themselves.
Standin' on their own two feet.
And ringin' on their own bells.
Betties are doin' it for themselves.

Now we ain't makin' stories
And we ain't layin' plans
'Cause a man still loves a Betty
And a Betty still shags a man

YEAH Betties are doin' it for themselves.
Standin' on their own two feet.
And ringin' on their own bells.
Betties are doin' it for themselves.


I must make clear now however poppet, your no sister of mine, my hairs much prettier. And my face. Body. Everything. But don't worry, I'm one fine Betty.

From the best Betty,
Betty

Cupcakes, Stella's insisted I post a crappy copyright notice again:
Lyrics are obviously taken from the song "Sisters are doing it for themselves"- a simply delightful song, I recommend the Aretha Franklin version (obviously I mean if your looking for the second best to mine)- so check it out, it's ravishing. This is obviously only meant as parody, which IS NOT copyright infringement- so shoo record company foos.
 
And that's all for another month of Betty's mailbox my lovely little minions. Hope you like by NEW YEAR dress- it cost a bloody fortune, whoever bought it must be loaded. I'll just finish by ensuring you that 2006 is gonna be filled with lots more Betty filled action. Why just as we speak I'm about to leave for Middle Earth to destory the evil Google eye, for I am, THE ONE BETTY- THE RULE THEM ALL.

Toodaloo now (and Happy New Year cupcake)
RETURN TO THE BEST HOMEPAGE EVER TO HAVE EXISTED ON THIS FEEBLE PLANET